New seasons

So after reading through my previous blogs {can you say narcissistic?} I have decided that I need a makeover. New look, new attitude, and new writing content. I know less than 5 people read me, but I am not doing it for you. This is for me. Not for show, not for looks. I find myself in the same place over and over and wonder why. I think it all comes back to me. Attitude. Outlook. People I surround myself with. I am starting to realize that if you want things in life, you have only yourself to depend on. Now don't get me wrong...this is not a new concept to me. It just comes down to actually DOING something about it. I find myself broke. I find myself alone. I find myself in places I don't want to be and so I bolt. I am coming to terms with this: The surroundings I am in do not make me. They do not determine my happiness. Nothing will get better or worse because I decide I don't like the way things are going and decide to put on my gypsy hat and get packin'. I think I am where I want to be. Not sure if it is because I am thoroughly exhausted with moving, but because I realize it makes no difference where I am. I will make my home where we are now, and live with it. Maybe even come to love it. Only time will tell. I am resolving to write more often because it helps me sort out my feelings. Therefore, I am going to try and write EVERY DAY about what I have done that day and see if I am ultimately working towards my goals. So I guess the first logical step is to wrack my brain and see what I want. Here's what I have so far:

Goal#1: Lose weight. My ultimate goal being to get back down to 160. Sounds like a lot as far as todays society goes, but I am a realist after all. I won't tell you what I weight right now because I am not quite ready to admit that. Which brings me to the next goal.

Goal#2: Learn to love myself. I think as far as importance, this should be number one but I am simply listing these as they come to me. How can anyone love me if I don't love myself? I think this is true. I have been through things that most people cannot conceive, especially a parent. Naturally, guilt goes hand in hand with what I have endured and it can eat away at your very core. But that's another blog.

Goal#3: Find a career. I'm not saying go to work somewhere I have to retire from, but some long term employment would do wonders for my resume...as well as my at-a-glance work ethic.

Goal#4: Start paying off old debt. I don't have much, and the bulk of it actually comes off my credit report in 2012. What doesn't, I am going to start making small payments to the collectors. Attempting to better my credit will help me in my next goal.

Goal#5: Buy a house, or at least attempt to save up for a down payment in the next five years {realistically towards the latter part of those five}

Goal#6: Get divorce. Plain and simple.

Now. I think those are very amiable goals. I will now examine what I am doing to get closer to reaching them. As far as my weight loss goal, I have been exercising with a friend very frequently. I do not get to go every day to her house every day and yes I use this as an excuse. But when I do go, we do the Wii Fit for at least one hr. We also try to walk every day. Sometimes it's around her neighborhood and sometimes we go to Medal Of Honor Park. We meet my Mom there with her charge, Leo, and walk once around the track. As for my other goals, I am searching for a job. At this point, I cannot really focus on a career per se, because my funds are so low that it is now a dire situation. More on that later. For now, I will add new pics and give my blog an overhaul.

Vacation!!! Vacation!!! Vacation!!!

OMG OMG OMG! It is almost here!!!! I am so mfin excited I am about ready to piss myself! I cannot remember the last time I had a real honest to God vacay and now, me and Baby G are going to the mack Daddy-in your face- Disney baby hell yeah!!! Can you tell I'm excited? And it's all thanks to my buddy Brandi-you rock!!!! I leave in t-minus two days-Saturday afternoon! Woohoo!!!! Like my blog says: GET ME OUTTA HERE!

You pierced your WHAT?

I finally did it! I have wanted a tragus piercing since I was probably 12 years old. I was driving past the local tat shop/piercing booth and thought to myself "Why not me? Why not today?."Haha, ten bucks for whoever knows where that line is from. So I called them up and talked to the owner, who happens to be a friend of a friend. I ask about pricing and bringing my kid and he says all is cool. So off we go, down the yellow brick road. I lay on the piercing chair and already Gracie is not feelin' it. I asked her if she remember getting her ears pierced, and how lovely they look now. She still isn't liking things-probably she can sense my anxiety. After about ten minutes, I am good to go and lovin' life. They look super cute and I am happy with my decision to just go for it. I have heard it was fairly painful, but I wasn't expecting what it felt like at all. I have 8 other piercings, but I can safely say these two bad boys hurt the worst. I think part of what makes it so painful is how slow he went. You have to be very careful, otherwise you could also pierce through the clonch. I watched a few YouTube vids of others getting pierced and saw why mine took so long. About 90% of the piercers shown used forceps, and also had a hollow tube in which to slide it into, making for a quicker procedure. I wonder why my guy didn't use those. It doesn't' matter now, who cares how they do it as long as everything is sterile and my ears don't rot off, right?

Made in America

It's back to school and retail stores are pushing it big time. Bright colors are "it" this year, and that's just fine with me, considering I LOVE LOVE LOVE orange. The brighter the better. You know, construction sign orange. So as I flip through this week's Walmart circular, I spot a super cute orange coffeemaker that also includes an iron and a toaster. Not that I need the other two, but that's not the point. It's an ORANGE coffeemaker!!! And it just so happens I'm in the market. {Mostly because I noticed Walmart is now selling Dunkin Donuts coffee and their french vanilla is the shiz-Christy the domestic goddess turned me on a while back.} I check my bank account yesterday am and notice my WV income tax refund has FINALLY found its way home. Woohoo!!! Hold on orange coffeemaker, I am coming to rescue you from retail hell!!! After I get home last night and get Gracie in the bed, I set about the task of opening the box which contains my new found treasure, only to be extremely disappointed in the product. The thing is crap!!! I am returning it pronto as soon as I take a lunch today. I am heartbroken. So I found a Mr Coffee Programmable maker for 19.88, less than el junko and then some. Wish me luck!

Insert witty subject here

I haven't written in a while, sorry gals. I think I have decided that there are two kinds of people in life: the writer and the reader. I know for sure that I am a reader. I would much rather escape my own thoughts for a while and concentrate on someone else's problems/drama for a while. Call me crazy. Some people say that writing their feelings down on paper helps them deal with things a tad bit easier. For me, it just makes me think about shit more and more and get things stirred up that are best left alone. So instead of writing about my life, I think that I will write on things a little less heavy. Maybe the weather. Maybe politics. Ha! Kidding. I won't even pretend like I know what I am talking about on that particular note. The weather is nice today, finally dry after a lengthy wet spell. Not that I mind it, I rather enjoy rain. Especially if I don't have time to catch a shower ;)

Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Why? Why do people think they deserve chance after chance after chance after fucking chance? And WHY do I feel sorry for them when it's their own doing and they can't even own up to it or even admit the problem? Am I crazy? Probably so. I am so tired of being used and abused and just sick of the one I love the most feelings getting hurt in the process. Okay not so much feelings getting hurt, just her being confused and that's not cool. So now it's up to me to suck it up, deal with everything in a way that protects her FIRST. I AM THAT MOTHER LION so stay out of my path and so help me god stay away from my cubs if you can't get your shit together.

2 months

In two blissful months from now, I will be a new woman. On paper anyway. Let's see, been separated going on six years....Yeah sounds like it's time. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. I really need to write more often. I don't know why, I don't think anyone even reads this thing anymore. I think it's good for you to jot things down, what you think and are feeling at the time so you can go back and see how much you've grown in your life, whether it be spiritually, emotionally, etc. I have decided on a career which is cool. I want to be {drumroll, please.........okay let's reword that>>>ahem: I will be starting my classes on April 20th 2009 to major in BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN ELEMENTARY EDUCATION WITH AN EMPHASIS IN ENGLISH. That's right folks, RainWoman at her best, world look out!